That Triumphant Return, Tho.

It would definitely seem that I had all but abandoned this beautiful little blog. Anyone who read my last post would probably be happy to know that the best friend I was referring to actually became my boyfriend, and he is even better at that.

So much has changed, I am not sure of where to begin. I broke up with the guy I had been dating in March 2014, and subsequently went through the beginnings of a grand opening-into-myself that allowed me the ability to really relax (at least as much as I could) and begin to trust in the unfolding of things. I suppose that is the reason for my comeback.

I remember starting this blog because I wanted to connect. I remember loving the responses I received and how uplifting it felt to be recognized by Trevor Kucheran after reading his memoirs. I also remember partially abandoning the site because my best friend thought that the name Immersed in Possible was lame. After discussing it with my boyfriend though, I think it’s a great name.

I remember my inspiration for it, which still inspires me today was because saying “be positive” felt so cliche and empty. It didn’t resonate with me. Immersing myself in what it possible? Heck yeah that inspires me.

So, in short… I love it. This is an exciting time. I want to connect, to inspire and to enliven those parts of myself and others that get bogged down by daily stresses. I am thinking of posting every 1-3 days, but at least weekly. I am committing to that. Of course, I’d love it if it was daily, but after two years of silence, let’s not get ahead of ourselves 😉

 

LA ❤ 🙂

Is it Really That Hard?

I’m feeling re-inspired. Something I’ve really been considering lately is our perception of how difficult a given task can be, as opposed to the reality. What skills would one need to have to be considered valuable in that role, or offering that service?
 
Recently I spoke with someone in a leadership role whom I really admire about breaking social barriers. There is a window of time between becoming aware of someone and actually getting to know someone. If it exceeds that short time, it’s harder to establish rapport. I’m trying to limit just how many of those interactions I have. My friend discussed how she simply threw herself into it. Whenever she saw an opportunity, she found some way to be genuinely interested in the other person. If you’re sincere, it doesn’t seem contrived. She explained that she realized soon after becoming part of the group, that people were giving very clear signals as to how they saw things. If they were isolated, she knew she had to approach them differently than if they were laughing loudly with coworkers.
 
I found her advice about throwing myself into it really inspiring. It had me asking “is it really that hard to establish something special, superficial or otherwise with an aquaintance?”. The answer I came to was that it wasn’t too hard, as long as I maintained my willingness to adapt. Is it challenging? Yes, but it’s absolutely worth it. 
 
Interestingly enough, I received two invites that would put me in very social situations. Guess what? I’m going to try to attend both (incidentally they’re both in the same day, so I’ll see!). 

That Man

Somewhere out there is someone that is worth waiting for. Someone who is warm, loving and kind hearted. A man who understands he must love and care for himself before he can give his best to those he loves. He tries to be funny and succeeds more than he thinks. What quirks he’s more often than not embarrassed by, I find undeniably attractive. More than anything, he’s clear about who he is and the role he wants to play in this life. He’s very lovable.

When that moment comes, that undeniable clarity of meeting this man – the one for me, I will know. I believe I’ll feel a sense of ease I can’t describe at this moment, but sometimes I get little reminders that promise the future. It’s coming, and I have nothing to worry about. It’s merely a matter of preparation.

Altering Relationship Balances

My neighbour has stolen my mail in the past. It’s unfortunate, but it is what it is. Since I am enforced with this knowledge, I had made arrangements with a friend of mine where I could have my mail sent to her house and she’d deliver them to me. This friend and I have known eachother for three years and have had many good times together, and also some issues in the past. The other day she delivered a package to me and I was faced with a big thing; changing the balance between my giving too much and wanting to receive more.

This particular friend and I indulged a lot together. When I was in a more addicted mindset, I really went unconscious with eating, and essentially allowed myself to be used. I fed this woman umpteen times. I don’t even want to know how much I have spent as a byproduct of being around her. It’s not her fault, but I was faced with the challenge of facing awkwardness in my efforts to change our dynamic. When she used to deliver packages, it meant I’d pay her a bit and buy her dinner. Last night I relinquished to only buying coffee and paying. It might seem silly, but it was a huge shift. I honoured myself by not just giving in completely, and I’ve also exposed her to a change in how our friendship looks.

It gives her a change to adjust before I begin becoming more rigid with how much I give vs. how much I receive.

More to come on this topic foshizzle!

Forced Expansion (Didn’t Like That Girl!)

At the end of August, I met a guy that I still think is adorable. He’s the kind of guy who’s pretty chill, he’s really friendly and he’s funny as hell. Assuming hell is funny, which I guess in some ways it could be (should Hell be capitalized like God? It’s not a place on a map, so I’ll leave it lower case for now). Anyhow, he and I totally clicked and had it not been for some minor details (where we were respectively in our lives), something could have become of the connection.

In many ways, I’m glad it didn’t. He wound up going back to Kelowna and is with a nice girl now. It’s okay because even though it was a very short time we were friends, he wound up exposing me to an interesting lesson.

From the time we met, he made it clear that he wanted me to meet this girl he’s friends with, let’s call her Suzie. The way he described her, she was uh… free spirited. Which I can appreciate, I fully support liberation of all sorts, but I had a weird feeling from the beginning. I reluctantly told myself that if I want to expand my social circle, I should challenge myself. So I did, I agreed to meet the notorious Suzie.

It was a beautiful afternoon during the first week of September when I met them all downtown (by them all I mean my friend, Suzie and her poor, beaten down boyfriend). I was apprehensive, which annoyed me. Why was I so bothered? It’s not like I was intimidated by this girl. I was older and more established, I swear! Anyhow, as soon as we all got together on a busy street downtown, I didn’t like the vibes coming from her. She immediately complained about walking to the restaurant we were going to try.

Now, I’m the first to appreciate a more brash type person, and I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but I don’t think complaining like a child makes a great first impression for anyone – myself included. I have been guilty of this in the past while surrounded by approval (her being with two guys she knows adore her).

Dinner was hella awkward. I sat there, almost trying to make sure everyone at the table saw me rolling my eyes. I realized an invaluable lesson in social expansion: Not everyone should be your friend. Anytime I have tried to force an interaction, it’s always gone really bad. Not by anything tangible, just feelings. I knew this girl was bad news for me to be around, and I accept it now. At the time I felt like shit. I even awkwardly excused myself from the occasion with the lame excuse “I have things to do.”

My behaviour was not stellar, admittedly. I wasn’t caring, I wasn’t patient and in fact I did not care. I accepted that not every relationship is meant to last, and the same goes for platonic ones. Some aren’t even meant to start.

I’m not a friend prude by any means, I like to think I have a diverse group of friends. Diverse and abundant enough that I don’t feel the need to attach mindlessly to anyone that expresses interest. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!

P.S., my friend told me he didn’t know why she didn’t have any girlfriends. I took it upon myself to get real with him and tell him my thoughts on the subject. I still don’t think he gets it though. I really wish them both well, they helped me achieve clarity.

He’s Doing the Best That He Knows How To

I’ve been asking better questions lately, and I’ve come to realize a number of things. I decided to question my past beliefs on relationships and how I interpret things that have happened during some of my own past relationships. I did not realize how easy it is to assign a helpless, inaccurate meaning to things mindlessly. From that frame of mind, you make the person the enemy, whether it’s a lover or anyone else.

For example, with an ex of mine. He’d become quiet from time to time and instead of me thinking “Maybe he’s just thinking about something else. If he wants to, he will share with me.”, I’d instead think “What did I do wrong? Why isn’t he sharing?”. Even when I consider now how that feels to think about, it’s crazy that my stomach knots up and I feel sick on the latter question. Asking the wrong questions of myself sabotaged what I thought I wanted countless times.

I’m beginning to question my beliefs on finance too. Focusing on a state of abundance is wonderful, but it’s also vital not to just go into a state of unconsciousness about how you manage it. Not that it’s related to my post on relationship questions, mind you. I find it valuable that asking questions are what runs, or stops everything.

I ultimately decided to title this “He Does is Best Doing the Best He Knows How To”, because I don’t believe that anyone actively tries to do bad things. Even people who seem to do bad things, they feel that’s what they need to do to survive in this world. At least that’s what I choose to think. It’s a more productive mindset than feeling helplessly victim to the wrong questions.

The List is Out the Window

I’ve reached a new level in my personal progress that has left me realizing that the truth, the true value for me is not at all what it used to be. Well, I can’t say that. It’s not at all what it seemed it used to be. It’s incredibly interesting because I can now look back and chuckle at how I used to see things, but it was very real for me back then.

I find it’s less about it being attached to one particular program, idea or development plan, and more about a natural progression for me. In this moment, I feel much closer to where I am supposed to be. I feel like the most whole version of myself, and I can’t help but tear up just a bit in gratitude. It’s really true, people want progress at the end of the day. All of the distraction and mindless addictions humans may enjoy aside, it’s progress and contribution.

This whole revelation has also shifted by paradigm on relationships. Before I always teetered between dependence and independence, even in the idea of having someone. I realize now that I’m so happy those past relationships didn’t last because they certainly would have stifled my progress. It would have been my doing too, my creation. That switched off completely. Now I’m more peaceful with being alone. I’m really happy to have this time to recede into my own mindset to really create something meaningful.

Therefore, the list is gone completely. You cannot expect perfection in someone, only someone perfectly suited to you in the big picture. I realized, accepted and rejoiced today that indeed race, culture, affluence, etc. doesn’t matter to me as long as it feels right to me. Anyone could go on for days about things they want in a lover, but people aren’t lists. Besides, somehow things tend to work out a little better for me than I expected them to, so I don’t feel I’ll ever have to compromise.

My only job now is to devise ways to really contribute to those I already share my life with. To really push myself into a new level of consciousness, and to enjoy how amazing just knowing this about my life and being able to share it actually is.

At the moment, I’m sitting in a warm, well-lit home that I didn’t have anything to do with building. Typing on a computer collaborating with electricity to help me write this, loving that I have machines to wash and dry my clothes. I have resources, friends, family, a job. A safe place to sleep.

I hope everyone who reads this knows how great things can be. ❤