Forced Expansion (Didn’t Like That Girl!)

At the end of August, I met a guy that I still think is adorable. He’s the kind of guy who’s pretty chill, he’s really friendly and he’s funny as hell. Assuming hell is funny, which I guess in some ways it could be (should Hell be capitalized like God? It’s not a place on a map, so I’ll leave it lower case for now). Anyhow, he and I totally clicked and had it not been for some minor details (where we were respectively in our lives), something could have become of the connection.

In many ways, I’m glad it didn’t. He wound up going back to Kelowna and is with a nice girl now. It’s okay because even though it was a very short time we were friends, he wound up exposing me to an interesting lesson.

From the time we met, he made it clear that he wanted me to meet this girl he’s friends with, let’s call her Suzie. The way he described her, she was uh… free spirited. Which I can appreciate, I fully support liberation of all sorts, but I had a weird feeling from the beginning. I reluctantly told myself that if I want to expand my social circle, I should challenge myself. So I did, I agreed to meet the notorious Suzie.

It was a beautiful afternoon during the first week of September when I met them all downtown (by them all I mean my friend, Suzie and her poor, beaten down boyfriend). I was apprehensive, which annoyed me. Why was I so bothered? It’s not like I was intimidated by this girl. I was older and more established, I swear! Anyhow, as soon as we all got together on a busy street downtown, I didn’t like the vibes coming from her. She immediately complained about walking to the restaurant we were going to try.

Now, I’m the first to appreciate a more brash type person, and I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but I don’t think complaining like a child makes a great first impression for anyone – myself included. I have been guilty of this in the past while surrounded by approval (her being with two guys she knows adore her).

Dinner was hella awkward. I sat there, almost trying to make sure everyone at the table saw me rolling my eyes. I realized an invaluable lesson in social expansion: Not everyone should be your friend. Anytime I have tried to force an interaction, it’s always gone really bad. Not by anything tangible, just feelings. I knew this girl was bad news for me to be around, and I accept it now. At the time I felt like shit. I even awkwardly excused myself from the occasion with the lame excuse “I have things to do.”

My behaviour was not stellar, admittedly. I wasn’t caring, I wasn’t patient and in fact I did not care. I accepted that not every relationship is meant to last, and the same goes for platonic ones. Some aren’t even meant to start.

I’m not a friend prude by any means, I like to think I have a diverse group of friends. Diverse and abundant enough that I don’t feel the need to attach mindlessly to anyone that expresses interest. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!

P.S., my friend told me he didn’t know why she didn’t have any girlfriends. I took it upon myself to get real with him and tell him my thoughts on the subject. I still don’t think he gets it though. I really wish them both well, they helped me achieve clarity.

He Wanted Me to What?

I’ve been dating again, after a few months of stopping. I shouldn’t say dating, it’s more or less just going on dates. Wait, is that still considered dating? Whatever, it’s happening. I’m just meeting new people.

Anyhow, I’ve recently met some potential, but I have a few funnies to share in the meantime. I’ve taken an extremely lax approach to meeting people. I don’t have a sense of expectation for how I think things should go beyond a base level of respect, which is assumed. I don’t so much care about the way a guy looks or how much money he makes, as long as he’s not bothered by either. Generally speaking. For me, it’s definitely more valuable if I can see his potential by the way he speaks about himself and things he cares about. All that good stuff, the things associated with getting to know someone new.

The guys I’d been meeting all said the typically lovely things I think most girls have shown them they like to hear. I’m the kind of person who likes more masculine guys. I don’t mean that in the sense that they have to be brawny and aggressive, but that they can be. Or at least, they’re just more inclined toward being masculine than feminine. I love all the typical chivalrous things, it really helps. Most of the guys I’d met recently seemed to embody many aspects of things I liked.

One guy, we’ll call him Pablo, he was staying in Red Deer for a few months after being in Surrey for two years. He had previously arranged for us to go out, but rescheduled. It was fine, I was busy the day we had originally agreed to meet. In truth I’d forgotten. Anyhow, rather last minute he asks me if I’d like to go for a walk once he’s done with an event in Kensington. That was perfect for me because downtown’s close to everything. If it doesn’t work, we can just go our separate ways. I lost track of the time after we met, and I knew the whole time that he was being at least a little bit fake. It’s understandable to some degree when you’re meeting a potential lover, they could judge you and slipping into scarcity is really easy. I knew though that this was a little different, so I prepared myself.

He seemed really masculine. Even in the sense that he didn’t let me walk on the side of the street with the cars. I didn’t think I was going to pursue something with him (he was a little abrasive for me), but I appreciated the gesture. He seemed thoughtful to boot. It was close to midnight and we decided to part ways. I had come on the train and I knew he parked in Kensington, which is ridiculously easy to get to from where we were. He’d also mentioned a GPS thing on his car. He goes “let’s go”, so I assumed that he was going to try and offer me a ride. I figured well, I suppose I could take that (the thought he’d be a killer or something didn’t cross my mind, I figured I could take him!). So we walked and I began to feel incredibly awkward right as we got to where the car was.

I found out shortly after, I realized he wanted me to walk him to his car. This sort-of burly construction worker wanted the girl he was planning to try banging (for a lack of a more-suited word) to escort him to his car, just for safety’s sake. He was scared of getting lost, even though we were three blocks from the car and he always came to the city. Maybe it’s just me because of my years being jaded by guys who’d rather escort me at least to the area in which I would be transported home. We’ll pretend he forgot his GPS. I wish him luck though, he’s right for some girl.

P.S., nothing happened with him. We never spoke again after that awkwardness.

Unreliable Fool!

This is more or less an extension of my rant on online dating yesterday. At this point, during my month of being in active pursuit of dating and different degrees of networking, I managed to begin talking to a lot of interesting people. Anyhow, one was particularly interested in me, and I was reduced to only being interested in friendships (which ultimately lead to my closing of my online accounts. You heard me, accounts. I had more than one). This guy, we’ll call him Edgar, mostly because I like that name and never meet them, was quite a gem.

First he was constantly hounding me, like a starved Chihuahua, doing the cute dance they do when they’re trying to feed their carnivorous beings. I usually avoid those guys because they only seem to be focused on sex, which is okay, but more or less not something I keep in the forefront when I’m looking for guys. Anyhow, I agreed to meet him. He seemed nice enough, though damaged from a breakup about a month prior. Without the expectation, we set a time and place to meet. Two hours later, I get a text saying he wanted to meet at a completely different place at a completely different time. So I understood plans change, until I realized that our original meeting place, a central location, close to downtown was almost an hour further away considering the way I had to get there.

He changed back to our original meeting place and time before changing it yet again. I read the text and ranted to a friend about how much more work this was turning out to be when I hadn’t even met this fool.

I replied almost an hour after that, flustered, simply stating “No, that won’t work for me.”

My friend had a good point. I try my best to have a liberal mindset when it comes to relationship dynamics, but I like assuming the feminine role. I like being pursued (at least a bit in the beginning, though I know this needs to be mutual), and I feel awkward when I’m the one being asked out and I’m either expected to pay for the date, or I’m the one dominating the situation or some other uncomfortable situation. Later on in relationships things can be mutual, but in the beginning, I like when men are at least a little more forward.

I never ended up meeting this guy. I figure that even if I did spend my time going there, he may not show up and I’d probably resent him anyway. That wouldn’t be fair for him, not when he could be off meeting girls who won’t resent his lack of meeting time commitment.

Oh dating.

Bathroom Rant / Concern

I wasn’t intending to make this blog a ranting thing, but hey. I don’t know of any blogs that don’t at least have a bit of ranting. Either way, the ones who don’t are really missing out. Anyhow, this is a rant about the bathroom. Well, a concern.

In my workplace, the commonly used bathroom stalls are a little crooked. The doors don’t really close properly on some, so it’s incidentally caused a number of women to not actually lock the door as they are doing their bidness. Today I walked in and the stall was open ajar, and I almost opened it to use the stall until I saw some shoes beneath the door. Perfect timing on my part, I patted myself on the back and breathed a sigh of relief that I didn’t freak myself out since I’m running on pure cortisol after a short night of sleep this past month.

Simply put, lock dat door when you’re in the batroom. Yhrrrrrr!?