“In Great Successes, Fear Breeds Accomplishment”

Earlier this year, my boyfriend had exposed me to “Million Dollar Listing New York”, and I had watched a different verson of MDL in the past. As we began to watch it, I immediately was off-put by the seemingly over-the-top persona of one of the show’s stars, Fredrik Eklund. He very quickly grew to be our most favourite on the show and we always looked forward to when Fred would burst into some sort of fabulously expressive moment that would somehow increase his undeniable cuteness.

Anyhow, I found out that he wrote a book called The Sell: The Secrets of Selling Anything to Anyone. I subscribe to Audible and every month, subscribers get a credit for a free book. I try to resist buying audio books impulsively since you pay for the app, but I simply couldn’t with his. It is amazing, and I have actually listened to parts of it over ten times.

The foreword, written by Barbara Corcoran, is also amazing. Something interesting happened a few weeks ago though. In listening to the book this last time, her quote ‘in great successes, fear breeds accomplishment’ shifted something for me.

The concept of balancing what I am terrified of continuing to experience mixed with what I desperately long to experience has empowered me to majorly scale back on spending, overeating and doing any of the little things I regularly do to give my power away.

I no longer feel the external threat of something happening because that was only symbolic of my own disconnect and hangups about myself and my life.

This is so brand new and I have moments where I give in to the old psychology but it’s like I am demolishing the house that I currently live in because it was poorly constructed, and I am now able to built a more solid house. One where I am aware of the dangers within my control and where I won’t create something bad by way of ignorance and neglect.

This is the beginning of the real work, but it’s like I’ve learned how much faster getting up the stairs can be now that I can skip two at a time.

❤ LA 🙂

Coach Trevor

So a few weeks back, I saw a random post on Facebook that was an early chapter in an upcoming book called The Devil in the Shadows by Trevor Kucheran (https://www.facebook.com/CoachTrevorK). It was interesting initially, because I didn’t read it, I merely ‘liked’ it. Until yesterday.

When I woke up, I saw a new post he had for I think chapter 29, and I was compelled to read it. Something about it, perhaps because it happened where I live, or perhaps because it was about addiction in general, really resonated with me. I actually read all 31 posted chapters (there’s 32 as of today) yesterday.

Basically the book is about his struggle with alcoholism. I’d strongly recommend it to anyone even remotely interested in a good story that also happens to be free. He plans to privately publish the book, providing a link to his Facebook fans, but for now it’s all out there. It’s really an amazing story that really had me thinking about addiction in my life. I’ve never personally struggled with alcoholism, but it’s all the same hole in the soul.

Hmm. I’m still processing everything I feel about it, but either way. Links above if anyone’s interested :3

I Am Jennie

So, I’m re-reading I Am Jennie by Jennie Ketcham, a recovering addict and former porn star who appeared on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and subsequent series Sober House. I bought the book originally in August or September 2012, on a random day when I was feeling pretty drawn to it. When I’m at the bookstore, it’s actually one of the most stressful times for me because I get so overwhelmed with potential books I want; it’s overstimulation in the greatest extent.

Anyhow, I love the book. When I first read it, I was mostly looking for details on her sordid days, the money she made, the fame, etc. I knew of her before Sex Rehab, but not too well. I thought she was hilarious as fuck. Either way, the book I think changed a lot of people’s perception of her. It’s awesomely laid out, jumping from her days as a kid, the seedlings of later trouble, to the time of her treatment which was early 2009 if I recall correctly. It’s a great book overall and I would totally recommend it to anyone I knew that was interested.

I saw a speech she gave at the Pasadena Recovery Centre in August 2012 where she had been treated by Dr. Drew, where she really hit home I think for almost everyone who would have seen it. I can’t speak for everyone, but after reading books on addiction, I’m often left with a feeling of “well, they fixed it. Yay for dem!”, but the truth is that it is an ongoing struggle. I had the same thing after reading How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Jenna Jameson’s book in 2006. The book ends I think in 2002 or 2003, before Jenna’s life changed later on. I’m not saying I don’t expect life to change, I guess it is weird to some extent for a 20-something or 30-something writing much of their life story when there’s so much left. It’s just one of those things I guess. I’d like to be one of those people, maybe writing my memoirs, or at least the first part before I’m 30.

The book got me thinking a lot about how easily you can slip into very primitive, negative habits that can seem totally logical in the moment, but can ultimately destroy your body, mind, spirit and strength of heart at your own admission. It’s crazy to think of how much pain people subject themselves to by means of their negative thought patterns, myself included.

Hmm.

Below are links to where you can buy Jennie’s book, to her blog 🙂

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_11/180-5043769-5143866?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=i+am+jennie&sprefix=I+am+Jennie%2Caps%2C584#/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=i+am+jennie+&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Ai+am+jennie+

http://www.becomingjennie.wordpress.com