Shift in Perspective

The last couple of years have been huge for me. They’ve tested me more than many years past, mostly through my needing to face my past and what was/is unconsciously driving me. I’ve had to face it all, all of what came up at the time, and I know there’s a lot more to come. I’m prepared to handle it though.

On Monday, I’m going to start on a new health journey. One that isn’t all-or-nothing and which won’t result in utter failure due its impossibility to begin with.

As of this writing, I’m 262 pounds. I’m looking to be 165 a year from now and will be posting periodic updates on this blog. I like looking back and wish I had made more of an effort to document the goings on in my life.

Thanks ❤

Surrender the Future…

I have struggled so much with anxiety these past few years. My posting on here always seemed to coincide with feeling inspired to connect. That’s such a fickle way of being because the value isn’t always in the inspired pieces of wisdom, but in the trenches.

I don’t even put in the effort that I have wanted to over the past six years of having this blog.

I’ve recently taken a step back from needing to home and control aspects of the future which no one person can control. Resistance feels like control, and perhaps in a way it is. When one holds enough resistance, they can be powerful enough to manifest disease.

In some way, I am mourning the loss of something I completely took for granted at the time. Maybe it felt like a prison. But if nothing lasts, is anything really a prison? Who are we to say that we know what’s best?

I grew up without any religious affiliation, living in reaction to everything that happened to me. Then I took ultimate responsibility which in retrospect was a totally opposite extreme.

Maybe I can surrender to the flow of life, to trust my inner wisdom telling me that I’ll know the right things when I feel them. It reminds me of dating life… When I strangled the connection with expectation and fear, I was always right in that I proved I was going to be abandoned. Then I gave in and trusted that the universe would guide me to exactly the right man for me. And it did. And I love him… I couldn’t have asked for more.

I love my ego trying to protect me… I love it for telling me what’s wrong and how vigilant I should be. But I love it enough to keep it in check sometimes too.

Maybe we can all set it (the need to win) down for a minute every day. ❤