I’ve spent years trying to make myself be, do or have something more than I do. I have tried to make myself be a better daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend and employee. I’ve tried to make myself thinner, softer, louder, quieter, to save money, to spend money, to have a sense of style, and to hide away because the world isn’t safe.
Just writing this out makes me feel a deep sense of sadness and an understanding of why I am so tired all the time. I still spend a lot of time in my day occupied v with trying to keep it all together, and to be everything for everyone at once. The funny thing is, I already know that nobody cares what I do or not. I don’t mean that in some sad way, but for everything that i try to be, it’s based in and built around wanting the approval of my family.
My point is this: now that I’ve found ways to connect with myself, I have bad days when I abandon myself the way I always did before. To anyone reading this, choose you and care about what you want more than anyone else. If they’re meant to be there, looked out for by you, you can truly be there by choosing them too. And if it’s too damn heavy, let it go.