As I approach my 25th birthday, I can feel this massive internal shift towards empowerment. The things that I would tell myself to avoid uncovering my greatness and true value that I can provide are getting harder and harder to ignore.
Lately I have been facing more and more of my fear, my resistance and the things that no longer serve me. Much of my stress comes from denying my absolutely crucial need to connect. There are times where I need to connect, but because I think that I can’t without being an inconvenience or something, I turn to addictive behaviours and thought patterns to falsely meet the need. This is a pretty big revelation for me since I have heard about addicts doing that but I have never actually observed the pattern within myself.
I am beginning to see that we’re all working away, doing our best. There has to be an element of trust and committment to yourself. You have to ‘buy in’ to yourself and really fall in love with the unfolding of your gifts, talents and greatest attributes. It really isn’t about you, but about everyone that will come into your life.
There are times when my gifts stress me out. The gifts themselves are amazing, but the need to share them can become difficult to handle. I’m chuckling as I am writing this because some people would LOVE to have this problem, but it is a struggle because I have never really unleashed my greatest potential. Ever. Of course it can be scary but that doesn’t mean that you can’t take a risk.
I felt this need to make this ‘return to blogging’ very polished and pretty. It isn’t happening that way and I’m totally okay with that. I don’t feel the need to censor myself or to sell myself or this blog to anyone. If I want to make it about connection, a perfectly polished website wouldn’t necessarily do that. I am not there yet. I need to continue feeling my way through things.
This might sound somber, but it isn’t. In a way, I am immersed in what is possible but it is important to feel safe enough to do that and really let myself feel good. Things are going great, and they’re only getting better. (that last sentence reminds me of that “future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades” song hahaha.)
LA ❤ 🙂