Commitment to the Situation

I recently have found myself in a relationship. Initially I experienced some resistance to this as it has never felt quite this way in the past. It was overwhelming, amazing and frightening all at the same time. I had to realize where I was coming from. Once upon a time I didn’t resonate with experiencing or observing happy, healthy relationships. I imagined they existed, but the stories and turmoil that seemed to come from the vast majority acted as a deterrent.
 
This situation is different, however. It has caused me to really evaluate the kind of woman I want to be in this situation. It got me thinking about abundance and being committed to the situation. I would never want my significant other (or anyone I’m close with for that matter) to feel like the love I had was contingent upon how I feel they should behave. That’s not to say that they can run over 15 babies and I won’t be bothered, but I encourage and embrace individuality, even if their idea of it isn’t something I resonate with. The way I choose to see it is that life is absolutely abundant. Up until I chose to become involved with this person, I had been experiencing physical evidence of relationship abundance. During the weeks leading up to it, the bonds I shared with friends and family strengthened significantly. I began to take my responsibility seriously, my commitment to those I love.
 
The interesting thing I’ve been considering is this: When it comes to being faithful as a friend or lover, to do it for myself, not for the others. What I mean is that if I am committed to a relationship, I commit primarily for myself. I may commit to them, but my loyalty is to my standards and what I share with that person. My committment is to encourage, support and believe in their aspirations. To share experiences with and to grow with the person I have chosen. For me, this line of thinking is very effective because it makes me completely accountable for my own feelings. I no longer resist feelings of lack or control, but I simply let them go. It frees the people around me from feeling like I have expectations of how they should behave because I know their behaviour is not reflective of where I am personally.
 
Perhaps my ideas are unusual, but I feel they are valid. One of my primary objectives this year is to cultivate a sense of appreciation for the process of becoming the most fulfilled version of myself, and this is a huge part of it. 

The Beginning of the Year

It’s been an absolutely insane month and a bit since I last updated. My life has changed in so many ways, I’m not entirely sure of where to begin. I suppose the most fitting place would be in the realm of relationships. I found my extra special someone and I feel amazing about it. He’s literally everything I have ever asked for and we’re both excited that we met.
 
An interesting point is that I know how I managed to find this amazing fellow. Primarily based around becoming more abundant with relationships, in late 2013 I began to challenge myself to meet and network with people without expectation. I let go of the lacking feelings that kept me flustered for so long and voila! Man arrived. I really couldn’t be happier.
 
The abundance continued into 2014, with my close relationships becoming more valuable and in short, of more significance. This is directly correlated to my willingness to let that happen, to allow those bonds to strengthen. Someone told me once that I am a relational caregiver, something I hadn’t begun to understand until now.
 
I’m scared. I’m scared of change a lot of the time, which is amazing. Absolutely amazing.