I was recently contacted by a ridiculously cute fling of mine circa June 2012. We’d met in February of that year and hit it off right away, constantly flirting and being all sweet. Deep down I knew it wasn’t serious, but like the 20-year-old me at the time was projecting all sorts of ideas that just weren’t factual. The original ending came shortly after some things happened, and he slowly faded away. At the time I was immersed in everything I could be, so it wasn’t such a hard hit. Well it kind of was, but only in the way that something artificial could be. It’s simply what you think about it that makes it tough.
Moving on, he and I didn’t talk for over a year. June 2012 to September 14, 2013 when he messaged me on Facebook. Facebook is awesome in that it has messages from ‘friends’ in one folder, and messages under ‘other’ from …not-friends. It was October 15, 2013. I had to triple check what year the message was from. The message itself was thoughtful and well written, with him wondering why we ever stopped being “friends”. This kills me. I like to think of myself as a liberal person in most contexts. I love individuality and whenever people embrace their truth. I admire those who live louder than I do, not seeming to care what others think. However, some of my ideals aren’t always fitting in practice for my own life. One of those ideals is FWB (friends with benefits), or sex with friends. I don’t really flirt with friends, and when I do, there’s no sexual drive behind it. At least not on my part. In my experience, I have found it particularly troublesome to try to maintain a meaningful friendship with boundaries once the boundaries have been violated. I’m not saying that it can’t work, it simply hasn’t for me.
Anyhow, this guy is the king of the fade out. Well, maybe the prince of the fade out. He’d come around for a bit, texting me, doting on me a bit and reverting to the flirting that once had potential. I always responded with caution since that sort of approach is always suspicious at first. What was he thinking, I’d totally revert back and put out or something? Foolish man! I simply humoured him when I felt like talking, which wasn’t as often as before.
November 28, he texts me incessantly for about 20 minutes. I was busy, and when I returned, I saw 7 texts. I responded and we talked a bit about superficial things. I became annoyed when he said “I recently just got myself a girlfriend, I can’t flirt with you anymore.”, which annoyed me at first, but then became laughter because I literally had no more interest in him as a potential partner. I also never initiated flirting, nor had participated in it in over a year. I made a conscious decision to let go of this individual. Perhaps he is a good guy at heart, but it’s clearly not a fit for something more substantial as it shouldn’t be this difficult to maintain friendship. I explained to him how being “friends” didn’t feel like the right thing for me anymore.
I had a moment, a shift moment because of this. A branch that had been extended seemingly indefinitely at one point, was cut off. I was free of the role I played in the past. I was not required to greet him warmly anymore, as I feel abundant and free with my relationships now. Everything that’s been happening for me as of late has been part of a natural feeling evolution, and I felt such relief letting this thing go. In fact I giggled as I did it, which to my signifies that it is the right move at this time. Maybe several years down the road we’ll meet again in alternate circumstance. Though if we don’t, I still wish him and his girlfriend the best.