Weight is a funny thing. For most people, it’s so gradual that you gain 5, 10, 15, even 30 lbs. Most don’t even see it happening, myself included. I mean, you know. You have to know, but when you look in the mirror, it’s tough to see something so gradual influence the way you see what you see. In my case, I’m fortunate in the sense that I proportion weight quite well. I am actually significantly heavier than I look, so when I gain 5 or 10 lbs, it’s easy not to notice. In August, I’d shed 20 lbs in 21 days. Or 21 lbs in 20 days, I can’t quite remember. What motivated that was some implied judgment from a doctor (to clarify, he said I was healthy, but he merely was excited to hear me say I intended to shed the excess weight). This clued me in to what motivates me.
This time however, the motivation came last night. I was talking to a friend about this shirt I made, and he asked to see it on me. I positioned my camera to take a picture and I saw my figure. While still sort of a figure, it was certainly not as slim as it was the last time I took a picture of this caliber. I looked fat. Hella fat in my eyes. Whether I am fat to anyone I know or value the opinion of, doesn’t matter. For me, I take full responsibility for things that happen in my life. Whether that’s my health, my financial situation or my relationships. I also know that I should hover around a specific range for my optimal weight, all things factored in.
November 26, 2013 is Day 1 of my rehabilitation. I hope to take it reasonably slow and steady, and to stay conscious about the objective at hand. At the end of the day, weight (as with health, finances, relationships and professional success) is a result of everything that contributed to its creation. The same way that I created this situation, I can reverse it and make the minor adjustments in my mindset toward maintaining consciousness about the whole thing. I know what I need to do to shed the weight itself, but I’m serious about wanting better for myself. More serious than I have been in the past.
I believe people are continually improving, and that ultimately the key thing is to feel like you are making progress. In reality, I don’t think most people expect to be supermodels or millionaires. I think they just want to be better off than they feel they are currently. There are always exceptions, but the vast majority is pretty much the same from my experience.
Excitement is the theme for this new year. As 2013 is winding down, I am starting to consider the sort of woman I want to be in 2014. I turn 23 in August, and I am feeling so emotional about the whole thing. Positive emotions of course, but emotional nonetheless. I’m turning over a new leaf in my life. There’s the new position I started on November 19, the vastly improved dating life, and improved platonic relationships. This change should fit in perfectly.