Somewhere out there is someone that is worth waiting for. Someone who is warm, loving and kind hearted. A man who understands he must love and care for himself before he can give his best to those he loves. He tries to be funny and succeeds more than he thinks. What quirks he’s more often than not embarrassed by, I find undeniably attractive. More than anything, he’s clear about who he is and the role he wants to play in this life. He’s very lovable.
When that moment comes, that undeniable clarity of meeting this man – the one for me, I will know. I believe I’ll feel a sense of ease I can’t describe at this moment, but sometimes I get little reminders that promise the future. It’s coming, and I have nothing to worry about. It’s merely a matter of preparation.
I have had this blog for an entire year at this point. When I first began it, I was so thrilled. I still am thrilled at the growing potential of this as a forum to freely share thoughts that weigh heavily on my mind. Something that occurred to me recently makes me chuckle. Momentary excitement is exactly that, momentary. People will always return to what they know and are most familiar with, even if it’s not in their best interest. I have accepted that taking little steps, baby steps is the only way to progress in a comfortable, easy fashion that ultimately leads to success.
This has always been in the back of my mind, though I live for the moments when things just click. The moments when ideas that didn’t resonate are softened just perfectly.
My life is becoming better than it ever has been. I’m surrounded by beautiful people, part of amazing opportunities, and I have my health. I couldn’t ask for more except for the space of time to be minimized between myself and my ultimate success. I know there’s a reason for that though, and I love that too.
Most of it is letting go to take those little steps, you know, those baby steps. Being patient, comforting yourself along the way.
During certain moments, I’ve cycled in various stages of helplessness. I’ve blamed others, even myself for things that weren’t truly problems. From a scarce mindset however, I couldn’t see reality. I was tainted in my perception of how my life actually was. I built walls around myself, a self-imposed limitation that I was constantly pretending I couldn’t escape. I’d do my best to distract myself to affirm this limitation, but I laugh now. I laugh because I just let go of the last two years by taking a little step. Or, was it really so little?
I recently began really soaking in my current situational advantages. My workplace was always something I pretended was such a prison, such a tragic place to spend my time. This thinking was incredibly exhausting, and I was often reduced to such childish frustration. It was a fascinating contrast to where I am now. For the first time in my life, I’m about to transition into a new role in a professional context. The manifestation of work progress has more to do with letting things happen than making them happen.
My Team Lead was amazing. He took over another team, which I knew signaled an end to the role I was currently in. Something about his progress inspired my own. I know that he respects me, and I find that more valuable than words can express. Nothing could establish that except the quality of my work and who I am. I earned his respect and support. Realizing that six months ago would have made me uncomfortable, but it doesn’t now. Perhaps it’s maturity, or perhaps it’s just having a keen awareness of a more effective reality. He was integral in pushing me to progress as well. I finally see what good leadership will do for the people ready, willing and able to trust in the unfolding.
The unfolding, that sounds like some pretty high level sh*t. It is, and I love it. I like having the awareness to see, accept and love that life is a mirror. Soak it all in, especially the tough parts. You’re supposed to.
I think that most people have at last some sort of idea that many things in Western society are taken advantage of. I live in an area where it gets very cold in the winter. If it weren’t for electricity and natural gas heating, thousands would die and life here would be unbearable. After everything that could be burned was burned, people would naturally gravitate as closely to warmer climate as they could.
Twice this year I have developed laryngitis. The first time was near the end of August, and I am in the throes of another spell of it that has been angry since yesterday morning. I sound like what Barry White would have sounded like had he smoked tinfoil for 186 years. It’s embarrassing and it means that today I called in sick to work. My work depends on my speaking ability. If I can’t speak, I cannot work.
This got me really thinking about my life. Specifically, how much I take advantage of my ability to see, speak, to breathe through my nose. To have a functioning, healthy body. What a magnificent thing that most people only begin to truly appreciate once they lose something integral to their existences.
From this point forward, I really want to take some time to really begin taking care of myself. Refining my diet, my thinking, the experiences I invite into my life. What’s the point of travelling if you can’t walk properly to really appreciate some of life’s greatest?