Forced Expansion (Didn’t Like That Girl!)

At the end of August, I met a guy that I still think is adorable. He’s the kind of guy who’s pretty chill, he’s really friendly and he’s funny as hell. Assuming hell is funny, which I guess in some ways it could be (should Hell be capitalized like God? It’s not a place on a map, so I’ll leave it lower case for now). Anyhow, he and I totally clicked and had it not been for some minor details (where we were respectively in our lives), something could have become of the connection.

In many ways, I’m glad it didn’t. He wound up going back to Kelowna and is with a nice girl now. It’s okay because even though it was a very short time we were friends, he wound up exposing me to an interesting lesson.

From the time we met, he made it clear that he wanted me to meet this girl he’s friends with, let’s call her Suzie. The way he described her, she was uh… free spirited. Which I can appreciate, I fully support liberation of all sorts, but I had a weird feeling from the beginning. I reluctantly told myself that if I want to expand my social circle, I should challenge myself. So I did, I agreed to meet the notorious Suzie.

It was a beautiful afternoon during the first week of September when I met them all downtown (by them all I mean my friend, Suzie and her poor, beaten down boyfriend). I was apprehensive, which annoyed me. Why was I so bothered? It’s not like I was intimidated by this girl. I was older and more established, I swear! Anyhow, as soon as we all got together on a busy street downtown, I didn’t like the vibes coming from her. She immediately complained about walking to the restaurant we were going to try.

Now, I’m the first to appreciate a more brash type person, and I’m sure she’s a nice girl, but I don’t think complaining like a child makes a great first impression for anyone – myself included. I have been guilty of this in the past while surrounded by approval (her being with two guys she knows adore her).

Dinner was hella awkward. I sat there, almost trying to make sure everyone at the table saw me rolling my eyes. I realized an invaluable lesson in social expansion: Not everyone should be your friend. Anytime I have tried to force an interaction, it’s always gone really bad. Not by anything tangible, just feelings. I knew this girl was bad news for me to be around, and I accept it now. At the time I felt like shit. I even awkwardly excused myself from the occasion with the lame excuse “I have things to do.”

My behaviour was not stellar, admittedly. I wasn’t caring, I wasn’t patient and in fact I did not care. I accepted that not every relationship is meant to last, and the same goes for platonic ones. Some aren’t even meant to start.

I’m not a friend prude by any means, I like to think I have a diverse group of friends. Diverse and abundant enough that I don’t feel the need to attach mindlessly to anyone that expresses interest. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!

P.S., my friend told me he didn’t know why she didn’t have any girlfriends. I took it upon myself to get real with him and tell him my thoughts on the subject. I still don’t think he gets it though. I really wish them both well, they helped me achieve clarity.

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