Professional Hangups

I had a meeting with my boss man today that was different than before. My performance has always been proficient and they’ve never really criticized or cited any areas of opportunity. Today was a definite change, however.

We sat down, my page full of notes. I had questions to ask him. Questions about how he maintained motivation, how he manages to excite himself for the things he’s required to do. Our meetings are incredibly high value, and today was no exception. He began telling me amazing things that were coming up, including a few different opportunities he feels I am ready for.

I was taken aback because I never have a sense of ego either about my performance, or my professional standing. More often than not, I appreciate being kind of independent. He encouraged me to begin unraveling a little more and stepping out of my comfort zone. He’s arranging meetings with key people that can help me get ahead.

To anyone reading this, it might sound like “awesome! Who wouldn’t want that?”, but I have my own hangups about this sort of thing. I haven’t always felt worthy of success, but I didn’t realize it. Historically I have blamed them (any perceived setback) and took no ownership over the creation of my situation. I couldn’t ask for what I needed.

In a flurry of unexpected anxiety, I spent my hour long lunch afterwards walking around outside. I sat and thought for a bit. I realized I have no evidence that supports me not pursuing whatever they think I’m suited for. I’m ready.

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