Reasons

I was talking to a friend yesterday about his experience travelling the world. I know he’s spent years just trying to find himself and he’s done many things. In many ways, he inspires me to become more conscious of my need to expose myself to the world. Nobody will live my life for me, and I’ve actually come to know a lot of people like him.

More than the things he’d experienced, I wanted to know more about what he’d learned overall. What did he come home changed by? Who has he become because of the things he experienced while seeing the world? The interesting thing is that he basically told me that he didn’t get what he thought he would out of it, because his narrow-minded consciousness couldn’t fathom the overall potential of that sort of commitment. Those weren’t his words, I was clearly paraphrasing (he’s a little rough around the edges to say the least, but a sweet fellow nonetheless).

I’d had a conversation previously with one of my Australian friends about a year ago and he said essentially the same thing.

You have to be clear on your reasons for everything. It’s not necessarily about overthinking, but about being clear on where you’re coming from. Even for my best friend, she moved to completely opposite ends of the country trying to avoid dealing with things she inevitably faced. All that change in such a short time still couldn’t distract from that gap she felt. I’m happy to do the world now, before anything huge happens. At this point, I am becoming closer to the person I used to be, while carrying forward to the woman I am becoming. I’m afraid, vulnerable, and at the same time completely sure.

My reasons are becoming clearer and clearer, though I’m okay without seeing the net before I jump.

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