Different people have different ideas about how life works, how relationships work, how parenting works, how to advance your career, etc. I personally don’t like taking advice from people who aren’t where I want to be. I don’t necessarily mean exactly where I want to be in every way since some people are stronger professionally than they are in their personal lives, but offering advice where they do excel.
I have been talking lately with a lot of people in my life who are somewhere I might want to be. Married friends, dating friends, happy people, etc., just trying to soak up anything of value they may have to offer, even contrast to push me toward clarity. It helped. I talked out different ideas with those I trusted an I came to many conclusions – one of the more notable, that lists are silly.
I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but when you have a list of rigid bullet-points that are supposed to comprise what you expect out of a relationship, it’s a slippery slope. For example, if I were to say that I wanted a man who was physically fit, I’d already have caught myself because I’m not in the kind of shape I think I’d need to be in to match that. Not saying that I’d necessarily need to be, but there would be a definite contrast between our lifestyles which may not align long-term. Another example would be wanting someone who is following their passion. Well, I’m not. At least not yet.
The conclusion I came to through all of that is that I want to fully commit to becoming the strongest version of myself before pursuing someone. There are always exceptions, and I’d hope to meet the man of my dreams before that, but until I’m fully committed to myself, expecting the kind of awesomeness I do from life, especially in terms of relationships, is almost silly.
…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.