Looking over the last post on here, I feel kind of blegh. It’s interesting because I remember being so motivated about redefining who I’d be 30 lbs from then. That being said, I have come to another set of lessons and a certain degree of personal progress I didn’t foresee.
To begin, things with a certain handsome gentleman didn’t pan out exactly as I’d hoped. Six months of incessant flirting, future plans and loving sentiments left me feeling typically attached. I went from having a light and airy feeling toward the whole situation, to expecting things that were dangerous to say the least. I realize now that I didn’t allow him to earn my affection, trust, companionship. I somewhat blinded, somewhat in denial, saw things as better than they were. What did I learn? Primarily, the overtone is the value of my time. I spent six months attached to an idea I’d built up in my own mind that had more to do with me wanting to run before learning to walk, and overestimating the level of trust I extend to someone.
None of that is wrong. I don’t regret how things happened at all, especially in that situation. The interesting conclusion I have come to is that I don’t really believe that there are any mistakes in life. Everything that happens, the amazing things, as well as the terrible things were all a part of the process. The time, location and people involved may have changed, but the truth is that this is really how it’s always been. Thinking of things that way frees me up to approach life a little less seriously. To live my life guided less by fear, more by heart lead impulse.
What all of the above means, I’m not sure as of yet. The reality for me is that I am still processing it piece by piece. We’ll just have to see. That being said, I do plan to update this blog far more often than every two months.