I realize how important it is to think about how what you’re doing feels. It’s easy to rationalize anything and to oversimplify everything. It’s not so easy to have expectation, however. Personally, I don’t follow any particular religion. I believe that we are all accountable for our own actions and that we basically should do good for ourselves and those around us.
When you feel like something you’re doing is bad, it is. when it feels good, even if to someone else it might feel bad, you’re doing something right. It’s probably just not right for them. You’re the only one that knows what’s truly best for you, by way of how you feel.
Often times we face big decisions that are so intermingled between what we should do, what we think we should do, what our families think we should do. Even what society thinks we should do. Sometimes when we do those things that we think will make people around us happy, we feel worse and it doesn’t benefit anyone in the long run. It’s important to accept that you can only focus on who you are and where you’re going. Everyone else, including children, are on their own journey.
Deep down, everyone knows what’s right for them. If ever you’re unsure, remember that by knowing what you do not want, you automatically have some idea of what you do want. Thinking of it that way always helped pivot my thoughts from “Omg I hate dis!” to “Hmmm, why do I hate this?”
In my situation, I went through (and still occasionally go through) phases where I really don’t like my job. I really, really don’t like my job. Sometimes. Most of the time though, it’s a really good job. I make enough money for me to be smiley and not panicky about paying my bills (though I can’t discredit the value of actually having standards for fiscal responsibility), while being able to travel and having time to do so as well. I chose to dislike my job to the degree that I did before, mostly because I became enthralled with the fact I felt like I had to be there, not that I chose it.
I know I need to commit more to writing. I love writing and I think it’s something that’s always been sort of natural for me.
Take what you can from wherever you are in life. You’re in that position for a reason, and it’s a direct result of the way you think. But you already knew that.
I have been seeing a life coach recently, mostly because I like the idea of supporting an entrepreneur and I love solution-based thinking (WHO ARE YOU TO DIAGNOSE ME WITH ANYTHING?! WHO YOU BE?). She’s nice, she has a nice house and a nice little doggy. Anyhow, I basically hired her (hah, I’s got an employee) to help me sort my crazy and see why I’m not fully committed to myself, or my relationships for that matter. At least not to the degree I’d like.
She mentioned something that really hit me one day. I was on my regular rant of “I don’t know why I do what I do”, perhaps somewhat in denial, but she asked me if I trusted that things would work out for me. If I trust in the process. I didn’t understand what she meant. Why would I trust?
Anyhow, I tried it. It’s awesome. I love it. I trust it. It feels like I don’t have to panic because somehow things are always taken care of. Granted, it’s not always easy, but I’ve survived this long.
I’m going to try to be more accepting that things are supposed to be good for me. Trusting that the only time things hurt are when you’re going the other direction with where you’re supposed to be.